maybe we're trying, trying too hard.
maybe we're torn apart.
maybe the timing, is beating our hearts.
we're empty.




i want to fill this new frame but it's empty,
nurul.

hahahahaha. it's been so long since i laughed
like mad. hilya called my extension number
and asked me to type SUWANDI and search. she
told me to look at number three and i found......

SUWANDI KOJODJOJO.
hahaha. i feel mean laughing at the person's
name but yeah,

but it's not so bad, you're only the best i ever had.
nurul.

oh dear. the building next to where i'm working
was on fire. but not the whole building lah.
just the first floor. it was scary. there were
small explosions. glasses flew out. then got fire
engine. yeah.

anyway, me and hilya walked around PS.
aaaaand SASA offered a make-over. hahaha.
retarded. we'll come by after work.

calls come in non-stop. so bloody irritating.
i can't stand it anymore. but it's okay, i'll
leave end of this week. suffer awhile more only.
i can't wait to get out of here. 4 more days.

i tried to take a picture of love;
didn't think i'd miss you that much,
nurul.

SLOW DANCE.

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

i like that poem.
nurul.

who the hell do you think you are to
hurt my family's feelings just like that?
all the while i've respected you as
someone wise and knowledgable.

and please lah ehh. i know what i want.
you don't tell me that i don't know because
i know. and you don't tell mommy what to do.
she freaking knows what she is doing. and
how dare you put my brother down just like
that. and you know what? i don't give a damn
about the expensive bag you gave me. your
gifts are nothing compared to the support i
received from my uncle. that was what i need.

and my dearest aunt and uncle. please don't
accuse each other. it is so wrong to accuse
without evidence. what happened to trust?

hais. please lah people. can you guys think
first before saying anything that has no base.
don't just jump to stupid conclusions.

okay. life's been a rollercoaster ride.
alot has been happening. but my family
is always there for me. my relationship
problems and what i wrote are just a small
part of everything.

i love you mommy.
i love you daddy.
i love you syafiq.
i love you izza.
i love you syahmi.
everything will be fine, i promise.

i swear i will prove you wrong.
nurul.

i am so tired.. haha. woke up at 7.
got ready and went to SP and then TP
cos my mom wanna find out more about
the courses. so yeah, then went to her
friend's wedding. then now im getting
ready to go my uncle's condo. i wanna
swim. so bloody long never swim.

yeah, okay.

tatata.
nurul.

oh my god. peanut buttercups are so cute.
one of my colleagues just came back from
i don't know where and then brought us all
peanut buttercups and chocolate bars. =)

oh no. results are in a few hours time.
im scared. my head wanna burst. my stomach
is upset. i consoled it but to no avail. -.-
aaaaahhhhhh. im scared. i've practically
bitten off all my bloody fingernails. i
have none left. god.

4 and a half hour to go,
nurul.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. sial.

stupid customer. im just advising you about
the late payment fine. and then you said
its useless. okay, fine then. useless indeed.
then if you get the bloody fine, you all
scold us. you say we eat your money.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? TELL ME. idiot.

you want to complain is it? HAH. complain
lah. so many people write in complains,
but nothing happens. =D because we are here
to freaking help. if someone asks for help
but that person is retarded like you, would
you like to help? the fucking answer would
be NO, you cunt.

you are just wasting your time asshole.
you are just wasting your time.
and that makes me happy.

whatever lah ehh. you willing to pay the fine, go ahead. =)
nurul.

MORNING EVERYONE!

i just reached my workplace when im supposed
to be seated on my desk by 8.30a.m. haha.
i was late due to the train service. -.-
there was no train from pasir ris to tanah
merah. so i had to take a shuttle bus from
tampines to tanah merah and then take a train
to my work place. yeahhh.

anyway, i made friends with this chinese girl.
i didn't get her name though. we talked till
so many buses came but we cannot board any.
it was crowded and everyone was pushing.
then finally one bus came and everyone started
pushing again. she pulled me with her but we
got separated. oh well. so i took the next bus.
people were cursing and showing their unhappy
faces. come on man. its not like everyday this
happens. so just enjoy it while you can. haha!

will you stay awake for me?
nurul.

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku

alahai. the stupid song is stuck in my head.
i feel weird. i've been feeling weird since
um, maybe a few weeks already. i'm not happy.
i do laugh myself silly. but i don't feel
genuinely happy. but i'm not sad either.
okay, maybe i am. a little. actually no.
um, i don't know. my heart feels heavy.
i think i accidentally left stones inside or
something. -.-

i just feel weird lah ehh.

your whispers are priceless,
nurul.

sup people. hahaha.

i am so bored i can die.
anyway, i just finished reading 'for
one more day' by mitch albom again.
it's a good book. i think everyone
should read it atleast once. =)

perdonare.
it means forgive.
first of all, forgive yourself.
only then will you be able to forgive others.
and you will be able to move on and be happy.

it is raining,
nurul.

heeheehee. =)

My team leader treat me and my mentor to pizza
hut during lunch. they both forced to eat like
mad. grr. then my team leader saw me struggling
with one more pizza and two drumsticks. so he
asked me to cut my pizza slice in half and give
it him. hahaha. i'm so full, i can don't eat
for one whole week!
eh, okay no. =p

hais. mommy talked to me in the morning about
stuffs. it sorta made me mad because i could
not accept that fact. it's unlike me to get
mad lah. but i do tend to get pissed easily
nowadays. and most of the time when i get mad,
i cry. pfffft. so i left the house crying.
but i stopped when i start to see people. haha.

okay uh neminds.

sometimes i wonder why,
nurul.

HAHA. HAHA. HAHA. HAHA. HAHA.

okay, this is so weird.
i came to work with a red shirt from
giordano and black skinnies.
and then, i saw hilya...

she is wearing the exact same thing. -.-

the skinnies same brand some more.
*slaps forehead* hahaha.
then the people there like disturb us.
especially my mentor, "you guys rehearsing
for chinese new year celebration uh?"
i feel like strangling him sia. haha.

okay.

smile,
nurul.

i love you more than you'll ever know.

haha. the song blind by lifehouse is
stuck in my head. thanks to honey uh. =p

oh, happy new year people! =)
yesterday, new year's eve, went jamming
cause like so long never jam.
BUT it sucked. EVERYTHING. attitude sia.
ahh well, you can never please everyone.

but at least my mom let me countdown at
the beach with honey. =)
we brought our baby photos.
he brought speakers and i brought our dice.
it was beautiful, everything.
my brother joined us here and there cause
he couldn't find his friends.
downtown was too crowded. so yeah,
he so poor thing lah.

then at 2, we decided to go home.
honey's parents fetched him.
my brother and i went home ourselves.
HAHA. no bus, no mrt.
then we called daddy.
he was at yishun so he asked us to
take a cab home. lucky we have money.

yeah, that's about it.

a part of me died when i let you go,
nurul.