WHAT IS LOVE?

*Love is Accepting.
Acceptance is having no particular desire to
change someone.
Who they are is perfectly fine with you.
You pose no condition on whether you will
love them or not.

*Love is Appreciating.
Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance.
Its when your focus is on what you like
about another.
We look at them and feel this sweeping
appreciation for who they are, their
joy, their insights, their humor,
their companionship, etc.

*Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.
We want those we love to be happy, safe,
healthy, and fulfilled.
We want them to feel good physically,
mentally and emotionally.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

-Talk with your partner openly and honestly.
-Don't sacrifice yourself for the
relationship.
-Take responsibility for your feelings.
-Know you can only change yourself.
-Be yourself always.
-Know your intentions behind your words.
-Communicate your wants and needs to your
partner.
-Accept them as they are.
-Let go of absolute value judgements.
-Drop your expectations of how they
"should" be.
-Listen with your whole body, mind and soul.
-Express your appreciation and gratitude
openly and often.
-Examine your beliefs about love
relationships.
-Use humor to defuse difficult situations.
-Examine your desire to control your
partner.
-Have a dialogue about your beliefs.

Love is a learned skill. Its not something
that comes from hormones or emotion
particularly. Learn good communication
skills which you should use to
develop trust and intensify connection.
The more you can communicate the less
depressed you will be because you will
feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between
two people no matter how good or close you are.
And even if the relationship is going right,
those differences would somehow surface.
The issue then is to identify the differences
and negotiate them so that they don't distance
you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other
person is coming from, who that person is,
and by being able to represent yourself.
When the differences are known, you must be
able to negotiate and compromise on them
until you find a common ground that works for both.

Focus on the other person rather than focus
on what you are getting and how you are
being treated. Read your partner's need.
What does this person really need for
his/her own well-being?
This is a very tough skill for people to
learn in our narcissistic culture.
Of course you don't lose yourself in the
process. You make sure you're also doing
enough self-care.

Help someone else. Depression keeps people
so focused on themselves they don't get
outside themselves enough to be able to
learn to love. The more you can focus on
others and learn to respond and meet their
needs, the better you are going to do in love.

Develop the ability to accommodate
simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality
is as important as your own. You need to be
as aware of it as of your own. What are they
really saying? What are they really needing?

Depressed people think the only reality is their
own depressed reality. Sensitivity to rejection
is a cardinal feature of depression.
As a consequence of low self-esteem, every
relationship blip like arguements is interpreted
far too personally as evidence of inadequacy.
Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then
believe it is the treatment you fundamentally
deserve. But the rejection really originates in
you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the
depression speaking.

Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real.
Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected,
this isn't really evidence of inadequacy.
I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me,
this is something I just didn't know how to do
and now I'll learn." When you reframe the
situation to something more adequate, you can
act again in an effective way and you can
find and keep the love that you need.

okay, i know you guys may think i'm nuts or
something because i posted all these. But i
think this post would really help alot of
couples out there.

i want to watch the sunrise with you,
nurul.